goals.

1. finish writing my thesis.
2. by a diesel mercedes benz and convert it into a more green automobile.
3. find a place in south pas or korea town.
4. start writing again.
5. read a book a week.
6. by a guitar and take lessons at the folk music center and start a band with ryan.
7. maybe draw more, i havn't done that in forever.
8. finally learn spanish and maybe french.
9. work at a non profit one day a week.
10. smile more.

be careful for what you wish for

i had a dream last night.
that i flew back to alaska.
but there was nothing for me there.
the season had ended, there was no work.
my friends had all flown back down south.
then i took a bath in a big bath tub with my coworkers i had all worked with at the bar.
we dried off and went to our seperate hotel rooms. i stood looking at my bed and then the t.v. and wished i was back in l.a.

jamaicans

so it only took me a week.
a week back in town to find three jobs, yes three jobs.
serving at the press.
serving at some french place i can't even pronounce.
and bartending at the hip kitty jazz bar.

but i still want to work as a butcher and work at a nursery.

in alaska i got used to working 18 hour days with no days off.

i should be working right now.

something i'm excited about

when i was in seattle, they had these things called "sad parties". where on certain nights, d.j.'s would play just really sad music. not like emo or anything, but like johnny cash, patsy cline, i'm sure the cure and so forth. in seattle people embrace and celebrate their sadness and i thought that was a nice idea.

so, i'm trying to convince my old work to let me host a gig there on mondays. maybe call it the mondays? and d.j. really sad tunes. i think that would be fun. people getting together, crying at the bar, holding their drink with their heads down, while listening to some nico, sobbing. that would be fun.

so i'm back

and i'm not too happy about it i guess. i wish i was back in alaska, fishing again.

it was really fun and i enjoyed it. setting sail, watching my tiny town disappear. being surrounded by nothing. and then suddenly being hit with work...and fish, lots of fish. climbing into my bunk, writing, thinking about people. waking up to more work...and more fish. coming back to shore with cannery workers studying your movements. throwing ropes to the docks and making time for a drink, bumping into a friend. it was a good feeling being out at sea. maybe i will always fee like this when my season is over.

and i'm back in town. everyone seems so different, even physically. but i'm glad to see my friends. large crowds though and traffic, i'm still getting used to it.

i just think about being back there. at this tiny town i knew nothing about. even a day in the cannery sounds quite nice.

so whats next. i don't know. i heard there is some fishing over at san pedro and it sounds really nice right about now. but i'd like to finish my thesis. once and for all. so i'm looking to get settled, stay busy and then go north again once summer comes.

calendar

so guess who has a justice ticket for Monday. are you going? are you not going and going to watch stupid t.v. shows because nothing good is on t.v. on Mondays?
let's go.

annnnnnd

oktoberfest. big bear. this weekend. muhhhhaahhhhaa.

i just remembered.

i miss my record player.
the first thing i'm gonna do when i get home is put it on and sleep for a few days. i need the felt - goldmine trash lp. maybe i'll find it up here.

i spoke to soon.

i took a walk on first. from pike down to cherry and so forth. it was one of the best walks i've ever had. seattle is a good city, i can see myself here again, on much longer terms, serious terms. i'm gonna go walk again.

haha

so i'm totally homeless. i'm looking for nice dry spots in the park to sleep and to see if theres any room at the salvation army. there was no rooms availble at the hostel i wanted and my money is winding down staying at a crackhouse hotel.

i have some options left. so we'll see what happens.

haha , oh yeah, everyone in seattle is completley fucking miserable cause it's always raining in their stupid fucking faces.

umm

today, i missed my flight. cordova just keeps calling me back i guess.

and then i watched the new wes anderson trailer for hotel chevalier. the short scene one with natlaie portman and jason schwartzman. there was no sound, but the composition is amazing.

it reminded me of everything i've lost and left behind. it made me wonder why i'm here and where i'm going. it reminded me to miss things.

i missed a lot of things today.