second chances

i believe in second chances. this story goes back to my cannery days.

the bunkhouse i used to live in was manila colored. smelled like dead fish and men. 6 guys to a room who only wanted to pass out after 18 hours of work, go figure.

i felt it could use a little umph. a little something. a poster of nancy sinatra maybe? nah the turks would never get it i thought...

so i went to the AC one day, it's the only grocery store in town. i was actually shopping for the finer things in life, yeah know, funions, chili cheese fritos and i came across something astonishing. it was the only succulent plant in the land. it was from the sephalophyllum genre.

i saw it and it was mine. but in this case, i felt like charlie brown in charlie browns christmas special. this succulent was so downtrodden and deteriorated that they placed it in the 50% off rack. i looked at the price tag and it was a mere $2 and .50 cents. then i looked at it really closely like a dentist explores your teeth. and whoah, there were about 4 leaves left on it and when i picked it up to examine it 1 fell off. i threw it into my basket and it landed next to a cup of maruchan. another leaf fell off.

at first, it looked like it was on it's last limb, no pun intended. my roommates laughed at it as i carried it into the room. flies would even swirl around it like vultures. but i watered it everyday. i gave it just enough sunlight. that every day it was something to look forward to after a hard days work. sometimes my hands wouldn't work. or my back would give out, but i still had time to nurture it.

and before long, it started to look like an actual plant, not like something at the bottom of a trash bag. and the day came when i left the cannery. i looked at it and i knew no one else would take care of it. so i took it with me.

i had my bags, my laundry bag hurled over my shoulder and my desert plant tucked into the inside of my arm. i walked down the gravel road looking like a fool. i had settled my belongings in my new home and knew this wasn't a place for him. he needed a home of it's own.

i took a walk along ski ridge. and then stepped more and more into the woods. past bear droppings and tall brush. i placed my succulent plant next to the tallest tree.

i said one day this stupid tree won't be here anymore. climate change is going to happen and soon the confers will no longer exist. you are the future. in 1,000 or maybe 10,000 more years your kind will thrive. your kind will thrive because of second chances. in 10,000 years succulents will cover all the lands of alaska.

i walked away.

i believe in second chances.

sunday

= seattle.

help.

lately i need all the help i can get. my co worker introduced me to indian medicine cards. of course i was skeptical, but after a 3/3 reading i was a believer. so i went ahead and did my 9 totem medicine animals to help guide me through my journey.

east: deer
south: eagle
west: dog
north: hummingbird
above: horse
below: lynx
within: coyote
right side: beaver
left side: lizard

everyone i know

is falling apart, around here.

the northern lights

were absolutely amazing last night. my place of business has an amazing deck that overlooks the bay and to the north last night they came out brighter than ever. it was mostly hues of green. like a big green poisonous cloud took over the sky and gained in mass before your eyes.
it is not a slow drawn out process, but rather it has gradual changes in every form imaginable at somewhat of a snails pace. i felt like a baby watching it. trying to understand what i was seeing but being in awe at the colors and shapes in front of me.
it was about 1:30am when all this happened. the locals were completely trashed celebrating a local girls wedding, falling all over the place, breaking bottles, chairs turned over, smoky conversations, people collapsing in laughter, taking off clothes, girls running around looking for their boyfriends in arms of other girls and i stood in the middle of it all, not making a sound, looking up.

nick names

in the cannery:
easy money
daud (my name in turkish relating to a prophet)

in the bar:
hey l.a.

lately:
peaches...and ben is cream. together, we are _______.

the commercials

up here are fucking terrible. they are all low budget and very disturbing. the worst is this mattress ranch guy. you'll be watching an intense game of monday night football and then this guy comes on. all the fisherman look around at each other all weird and then one will yell, "keep that guy away from my kids!" and everyone will just start busting up. i found it on youtube! watch and feel weird afterwards!





also the extenze commercials are rampant up here.

the looooove bus of cordova

maybe i've passed out in here on a cold night.
maybe i've partied all night long in it.
maybe i've sat in a drum circle singing, "take a load off annie!".
maybe i inhaled.
maybe i just ate granola bars and talked about peace.

this morning

i woke up to find "the alan parsons project - eye in the sky", written on my hand. i must find the meaning of this.

i can't believe...

i bet on notre dame. i thought for sure they would beat crazy eyes and the wolverines. i'm so stupid.

cordova

my time on the lady helen

don't be jealous.

finally

it's thursday, let's go walk on a glacier.



like whoah.



positive and negative space.



hallmark.

oh god

they just hired two HOT eukranian college students to do housekeeping here. maybe i'll stay after all. remember tommyboy? it's on.

no matter what i do

i always spell "just" wrong. no matter what i do, even with spell check, it always comes out "jsut". and i publish it, confirm it, read it twice, and post it. maybe i jsut need karla here with her glasses to proofread everything i type.

mom jokes

they never get old.

it's official

i'm taking off to seattle next week. this place is a clusterfuck, i don't mind working hard but i need structure. everyday we are short staffed and it's like walking into a minefield, we comp at least 5 meals a day here which is horrible. ben and i are taking the ferry to whittier, hitchhiking to anchorage and taking a flight to seattle where we will meet up with bryan who was a fisherman up here. i have 2 days off starting tomorrow so i'll be pushing resumes for work in an either a restaurant or construction.
whittier by the way is a strange ass town. it's basically an abandoned military base. the whole city is one building where people live, shop, eat, and work. it's straight up weird. the locals here call whittier people, "the mole people" cause it rains so much they never really go outside. imagine a really long low structured building like a motel, in the middle of nowhere, on the bay surrounded by wilderness. it reminds me of some futuristic post-nuclear society, like the fucking cast for LOST. just plain weird.
but this change will be good. i'll be making more money, living for free, plus i'll finally be back in a city with a pulse. a city with music, a nightlife, a city with the cha cha.
i'm not hating on alaska, i will definitely be back in cordova in may to continue my fishing career, this has been a great introductory year for that. for now, it's seattle, to stay focused and on track for my big trip to europe.

the few, the proud...

every night, it's me...it's ben from the lbc...jennifer from austin...and saydee from seattle...and we do it proper. pure debauchery, cougerdom, antics, spillage. together we are the few, the proud, the reluctant.

game day

monday night football is huge here. i'm sitting with a budweiser, yes the king of all beers, resting on my belly and i'm rooting for the bangels. yes i know, palmer was a usc kid and i was born a bruin, but i'm missing cali. for sure i'll root against leinart for the next game though.

bumping into people

i've bumped into so many people lately. mostly all from the cannery. my old friends from turkey, bulgaria, poland and so forth. they are all finally leaving with their paychecks to be rich for a while. it's fun to see swarms of them walking down the streets with their luggage buying last souvenirs to take home.
this has left me with a long list of emails and phone numbers of friends i will meet up with one day.

plans

so things are just slow up here now. maybe it's jsut the work i'm doing, things were much more exciting on a boat. i've been contemplating moving to seattle, getting a sublet and finding a job there for a few months. i'd still like to see more of alaska though so my plans are up in the air at this moment. my goal is to go to london by november. alaska is super close to russia so i want to fly to moscow and backpack my way to the UK, there, i think i'll find another job and live there for 6 months or so. those are my plans. right now, seattle is tempting.